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The year had been a concatenation of events in which I more survived than lived.

Someone asked me: "Do you already have plans for the holidays?"

I realized that those were already very near.

I had not wanted to make any plans or even thinking about it.

Suddenly I could hardly sleep anymore and woke up early in the morning so that I could not directly go to my work as I was used to do.

 

That way I got time to think.

The thinking about myself made me very uncomfortable so I tried to talk about it with the people around me.

The response I got was that I was so strong so I would be able to get through it.

They were not used to see me ever that vulnerable. 

 

I decided to an End of the Year Session.

From the moment she opened the door for me I had the feeling that I was seen and heard.

I started talking about all the events, the problems at my work, the feeling of burn-out, being stuck in my relationship and that it seemed like I was losing contact with the people around me.

 

Her answer was:

"Don't you have the feeling that you hardly recognize yourself anymore by all the multiplicity of changed situations?" 

 

That was exactly the case.   

It was getting used to my other attitude towards myself and my environment.

 

I realized that I needed space and time.

For the holidays, I planned to spend a week alone to go on a holiday. 

As a matter of fact I stayed away for three weeks and when I came back I felt like reborn.

For the changes I want to make in my life, by taking  responsibility for myself, I feel now that I have the energy to make it work.

 

 













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