+31 (0)6 41 98 94 88 info@catharinahamer.com

Generation
or
Personal conflict?

The Generation Conflict

In my family it was a act of power not to talk about certain matters.
All the abuse that had happened to me and my siblings had to be concealed.
At a certain moment I did confront my father.
Afterwards a uncle called me up and told me that my father couldn’t deal with it.
I replied:
“Then he shouldn’t have done it to me.”

For me it was time to seek help despite of even more resistance by my family.
The consultations were good for me because she didn’t judge anyone.
It gave me all space I needed for my own decisions.

First I decided to take a distance for a couple of months which took a lot of time and energy.
My family didn’t want to let go of me and tried to control with whom and of what I talked about with people outside my family.

One of my brothers brought me an unexpected visit  and warned me that it was better to break completely with my family before they could break me.
He said: “You can do this. I can’t.”
A week later he wrote me an email that he couldn’t keep in touch with me any longer because of what happened to him when he was a kid.

Finally there was only one option left which was the toughest decision of  my life because I needed a complete break with my family.
I suddenly felt like an orphan and very scared.

The consultations helped me to go through those fears and to start living my own life.
She learned me how to cope with it from compassion:
Understanding the other or the others while holding on to my own standards and values.

I knew how violent the youth of my parents and my grandparents had been.
Apparantly they had not been capable or willing to make a change because they claimed that they had come as far in their life because or their youths.

After the death of my parents there is sometimes a superficial contact with my brothers and sister.

Sometimes, unfortunately as it may be, it isn’t possible to stay in a family.