From Star Behaviour to Respect!

My first husband died after a long illness of cancer.
I nursed him at home until his death.
The mourning process struck me hard because I also had to take care off my young children.
Ten years later I met my second husband.
After five happy years it was also revealed that he had cancer.
Six months later he died.

When it happened to me the first time I had the support of my family and friends.
The second time it felt different for me.
I didn’t cry because I wanted to be strong for his and my children.
I was left financially well and started with beauty  treatments, massages, Spa’s and luxurious vacations.
I got the idea that people envied me and got lonelier than I had ever been.

My daughter confronted me with my star-behavior.
She said that I continuously spoke about myself in superlatives and in particularly about that the fact that I did so well after having been gone through so much that it turned people away from me.

I decided to seek help.
The third consultation began with the confrontation whether I had added her “my staff”.
“My staff” consisted already out of a beautician, a hairstylist, a masseur and a  personal trainer.
She told me that it was impossible but that she could provide me with the “tools” to help myself.
I began to cry and that was the first time after my second husband had died.
During the consultations it became clear to me that I had created a distance to my environment. It had been safer to pay for attention by strangers.

When I was ready I invited my family and friends and explained to them what had happened to me.
What I got back was expressed by my daughter:
“Wonderful that you’re back. I respect you so much!”

The realization that even when it should happen again to loose a very dear person she would be able to cope with it made her anxiety manageable.